Last year I posted this poem, and I plan to do so every year in your memory. I hope you know that it’s hard for me to do, I cry every time I publish this poem.
I think I was too young to really try to sort through all of my unresolved conflicts with you, your death, and really just everything in my life at the time. It’s the turning point in someones life and then you leave me. I don’t know if I’ve done my best, but I hope you are proud of me. The happiest moments in my life were when you said you were proud of me. The lowest, were when I knew you were disappointed, I remember all very clearly.
My son talks about you. He knows you are his grandpa, but he’s too young to know, well, yeah. One time he told me “Is grandpa at the store?”… no. He’s smart and funny, it’s hard to imagine how much you would of spoiled him. I can imagine you and him together.
Happy Father’s Day
This poem was written in 2005 and first published here in 2007.
In Everything, I Find You
I’ve been reading about you every day
each story is different
but in my heart its all the same.
A loss so great with little reward
you brought the family together, after breaking our hearts
It’s impossible to miss you more,
but each day I do.
Each day theres some memory fresh and new
that brings me back thinking about you.
My father, my friend, my protector
My laugh, my smile, my trust
My eyes, my tears, my brain
My humor, my heart, my kindness
and theres no one else I’d rather be
By Matthew Henrickson
April 4th, 2005
You can also read last year’s Father’s Day letter.