Same Old Me

My mind is scrambled
Nothing makes sense
The letters written down don’t make words
The feelings are too tense
My body tightens
A belt around my heart
Almost ready to explode in my chest…
Just to get some rest.
Squeezing out my soul
Dripping out of my brain
While my thoughts
Slowly drive me insane
Trying to keep it in
Trying to fight the fight
And bring it all back within
This is what you see
And all it is to you… is the same old me.

by Matthew Henrickson

Why would you want me…
When I don’t even want to be around myself?
Too messed up to even figure out what is wrong
My mind is dry
My heart is broken
My throat is shy
I regret what is spoken.

Our future unclear
I know this isn’t right
But in the back of my mind
You are worth the fight.
When I’m with you
It feels like it should
But when you leave me
I know we never could.

This has to be worth it
Otherwise I wouldn’t care
I catch myself watching you sleep
I can only stare.
I know you can’t
And I know you won’t
But I just want to hear the words
Just this once
Say what you truly feel
Exactly… what I want to hear.

by Matthew Henrickson

Keep Dreaming

I don’t want to sleep
I don’t want to dream
I don’t want to see your face…
Every time I close my eyes.
Even if you are sleeping next to me…
You are still in my dreams.

by Matthew Henrickson

One More

One more time
One more kiss
One more night
One more…

I’ll only ask for one more…
Once more.

by Matthew Henrickson

Trying To Forget
by Matthew Henrickson

Already in too deep
Faced with your secrets to keep
I knew what it was before we started
Too good to be true and soon parted
Showing me a feeling I forgot
The comfort I desperately sought
I lost it so long ago, I forgot how it felt
Being numb so long is how I dealt

I can only put that guard back up
Going numb once again
So I can live again
And fall asleep tonight

My mind is playing tricks on me
Becoming obsessive with it…obviously
Allowing my focus to remain
Only on this pain
As I toss and turn trying to forget…
You are just fine… I bet

Lost and Found
by Matthew Henrickson

You looked into my eyes
You looked into my soul
You saw what was there
The pain I’ve buried so deep

You gave me what you could
Maybe it was what I needed
And you left in the night
Because you were never mine to keep

You let me be myself, there was no games to play
I let you in my head, I didn’t think you’d stay
I didn’t think I’d have to worry
That I’d see your face in my sleep

Lonely Nights
by Matthew Henrickson

The lonliness of nights make for dreary days
Im ready to close this chapter, this phase
The emptiness of my bed screams in my ear
Reaching out and feeling no one near

I don’t miss love
I don’t miss that pain
I don’t miss fighting
I don’t miss the lies

I miss the lust
I miss the comfort
I miss the conversation
I miss the affection

I don’t want to do it alone, I’ve already tried
Day after day I try to bring back my heart that died
I don’t need you, but I want someone
I want someone, but not you.

Never Again

I remember when I was young
I always liked girls
Each year
One special girl
Received a gift from me
And she knew she was mine

They were always so ‘cute’
They were what I liked
Deep down
I’ve always been
A ladies man.

The first one broke my heart
And showed me what it was like
And so did the next
Until I became that guy

The one who will like you
But never love
The one who will always be your friend
But never go above

The one always hurting
Needing someone there
The one always deep in pain
The one affected
Never again feeling the same.

Our Destiny
by Matthew Henrickson

I thought you were going to be the answer
To my mistakes
Time was never in our favor
We could never do what it takes
I thought this time around
It might be different
This time around
We would create a different sound

One of happiness, maybe completion
Instead we’ve fallen more apart
Almost deletion.

Time has created
Too much time apart
We are so far from
The beginning and the start.

I thought you would be my answer
My antidote to pain
I thought you would bring
My life back from insane.
I thought we could be…
The destiny…
But was that…
What we were meant to be?

I want to thank you.
Thank you for breaking my heart
For breaking me.
Now no one can touch me
I’m Invincible!

No pain can compare to what you’ve done to me
No ‘mistake’ can take me there again
No person will ever be as close
No complete trust in another

Every word spoken, I assume is a lie
Every truth has to be proven first
Every I love you I take with a question mark
Every wound is like a cut, compared to yours

I thank you for taking me to a place…
That I will never allow myself to go again.