Words of a Poet

I wanted to write, to get it out. The feelings the words the thoughts. Everything. But it’s so intense and all over the place I can’t get one clear idea out.

I have put everything into being with you. I have worked what felt like forever just so we had something. Something that was OURS. Our own things, our own lives, not being dependent on anyone else but each other. I am finally at that place in my life, and now you aren’t there.

Once again you’ve put yourself over me, while I have sacrificed everything for you. Again you are selfish, only seeing your side. Again you’re lies are your own, while I only have true words for you. It’s not about me, as if it ever was. I can only give you so much before I lose myself, and that’s where I feel I am going. I am lost. The worst part is you don’t even care. Or maybe you do, and everything is just fucked up.

Broken Again

The darkness is back
The battle is over
Our time is up
The game was lost
In the end I paid the cost
My damaged heart, broken again.

I can’t explain the pain I feel
Betrayed can’t be the right word
But one doesn’t exist
I’ve made you my life
And with it taken away
I feel like I have nothing left.

If you are everything and I am nothing,
What do I have now?

Fork in the Road
May 21st, 2010

As we continue on our path
I can no longer guide you
Making your choices isn’t fair to you
And lying to me about what you do
Isn’t fair to me.

This long path we’ve been walking on
No longer makes sense, it hasn’t
I’ve demanded more from you
That you don’t want to give
I’ve given you time
That I didn’t feel I had

Now it’s time for you
To reach that fork in the road
I will be on one side
With open arms, hoping you will join me
My heart wide open, always loving you

On the other side will be your own path
Without me, after so long
Making your own choices, only you to blame

Throughout I can’t be selfish
I want to bring you to that fork in the road
For you to choose for yourself
Regardless of what I feel
I only want,
Your Happiness.
Maybe then, I will find mine.

by Matthew Henrickson

Losing the Fight
May 20th, 2010

Has it been a waste?
A ghost of a past relationship
Before it was just us,
Us against the world
Backed in a corner
Fighting to be heard
Fighting to be taken seriously
Fighting for each other.

But now the fight has turned against me
I no longer have the partner I once had
Now I am fighting against you
Fighting for you
It feels like the match is coming to an end
The bell is going to sound any minute
And in the end
I feel like I am on the losing team.

The taste of blood is in my mouth
I’ve been hit below the belt too many times
My body aches, my heart is bruised
Drenched in sweat
Scars show how I’ve been abused

I don’t want the world,
I don’t need it all
My only wish now
Is for you
To be back in my corner.

By Matthew Henrickson

I’m Angry…

I’m angry at the outcome
We always knew that it would be tough
But I always thought we could make it through

I’m angry that you took me for granted
And I didn’t know what to do
And when I told you… it was too late

I’m angry that I lost you to no one but myself
I wished for other things since I had you
But while I was wishing, you walked away

I’m angry that I thought I needed more
While all along I had you
I thought I’d never lose you, until you were gone.

I’m angry that my heart breaks everyday
Since we just aren’t ‘right’
I’ve never been so lost and alone all night

I’m angry that we let it get this far
And ruin something that was special

I’m angry that I’ve lost it all
Just when I thought I was on top

I’m angry that you became my world
And just like that, my world is empty.

Fighting the Night
3/19/2010

Not drinking the bottle, has made my mind clear
Every night facing my biggest fear
Reliving pain, hurt, and deep sorrow
Never forgetting the images when I wake up tomorrow
Seeing myself cry in pain
Hurts more than living through it.

Since I’m not numb my mind races
It’s not easy keeping those bad thoughts out
Fighting that addiction
That has been killing me slowly
Long enough to keep me alive
To feel pain again.

Innocent Love
by Matthew Henrickson

It started so fast
And it has lasted so long
An innocent love
Young and immature
But thrown into adulthood so soon.

Our love has always survived
As if it was meant to be
Creating not only love
But another beautiful life.

Through truth and lies
Laughs and cries
Your smile has always shown through
But what happens when
That big grin
Dies and becomes something blue.

Will our love always be true?

I haven’t written in forever, but I have a feeling that is just the first to come. I feel like I am at a place that I hate being in. My life just feels like a fight.

This is one of my favorite poems and I can’t believe I didn’t have this one published on here. This poem was actually inspired by a book as well as how I felt at the time. High school can be brutal.

The book was The Afterlife by Gary Soto.

Ghost Afterlife
3/25/04

Like a ghost
You see right through me
Invisible to your sight,
but I’m here

Like a ghost
You walk right through me
I’m undetectable from your touch,
but I’m here

Like a ghost
You can’t hear me
My words have fallen deaf to your ears,
but I’m here

Like a ghost
You can feel my presence
but your not sure if I’m real
I’ve been overlooked, but I’m here

Like a ghost, you can reach through my body
Which you’ve already done
And pull out my non-existent heart
Which you’ve already broken

All I am now is a ghost
Trying not to disappear
Piece by piece I start to vanish
Trying to hold on, to my afterlife

By Matthew Henrickson

No Longer

It’s always a new excuse
Always a new reason
Another retreat from a fight
Making it my fault.

It shows you don’t care
Your fights are one-sided
Never mature enough
To understand both sides.

I’m tired of begging
I’m tired of pleading
Your attention isn’t worth it
It shouldn’t be a fight
It should be a given.

Going back to never enough
I’m sorry I don’t have anymore to give
My body, soul, and mind are so exhausted
From your constant ‘taking’.

I no longer have the strength
I no longer have the endurance
I no longer have the patience
I no longer have the will to make my heart hurt.

by Matthew Henrickson

I’m not sure if I like this one, and it feels more like a song. Anyhow it’s new.

What Does It Mean?

What does it mean
When eye contact goes out the window
And avoidance becomes the regular
You seem to always avoid me,
And I hide way too much

No more quick hugs in the hallway
No more sweet kisses in the kitchen
No more love on the highway
No more subtle touches throughout the day

I grab your hand
I try to hold it
Like quicksand I fall right through
You brush me off every chance you get
As I reach to hug you
I hug myself…

Each time I fail my heart beats faster
Now all alone seems to be where I fit.

by Matthew Henrickson

Silent Defeat
Written 9/9/09!

It’s all coming back
The buried pain
Unresolved anger
The burning soul
And dissolving life

The pens run out of ink
The story of my heart
Exploding on to the page
Right through the paper.

The dark hole opening up
Trying to swallow me slowly
I’ve fought it for so long
I can’t get away

The darkness comes
The light goes black
The air runs cold
And I succumb to your attack

The only thing left is Silence
And Defeat.

by Matthew Henrickson