Words of a Poet

Dear Dad,

Today is Father’s Day, putting up all of these great Father’s Day poems have made me miss you even more. Father’s Day is a little bit easier, I don’t have to think about you so much. I am now a Father and have my own son to celebrate it with. I wish you would of been able to see him. He is so beautiful, you would of loved him so much. I am very proud of him, just as you were of me.

Happy Father’s Day.

This poem I wrote a long time ago, and have already published here. I thought I would again just for this occasion.

In Everything, I Find You

I’ve been reading about you every day
each story is different
but in my heart its all the same.
A loss so great with little reward
you brought the family together, after breaking our hearts
It’s impossible to miss you more,
but each day I do.
Each day theres some memory fresh and new
that brings me back thinking about you.

My father, my friend, my protector
My laugh, my smile, my trust
My eyes, my tears, my brain
My humor, my heart, my kindness
My life…
Your reflection…
and theres no one else I’d rather be

By Matthew Henrickson
April 4th, 2005

I dreamt about you last night. I don’t know why you were so mean. Maybe because we haven’t talked in a while. I haven’t seen you. Where have you been?

I remember crying in the dream. You were being really hard on me and I couldn’t take it.

It was one of those things where you weren’t really dead. That you faked your death. I always dream that. That you aren’t dead and just went away for a while. I don’t know why. Maybe because I never really saw you dead.

I always knew you and Emma would like eachother. I tell her that all the time. You guys had a great time in my dream, even if it wasn’t real.

I miss you. I talk about you a lot. Think about you a lot, especially when I am doing the things we always used to do. Emma must be tired of hearing about you.

I can’t wait until Matthew is big enough to learn and know about you. I can take him to do all the stuff we did. Create those memories that we have.

On January 1st, I received a great review of this blog at Darn Good Reviews. He connected with several of my poems and had questions about The Razors Jaw. I’ve never really done this before, but even though it is an old poem I am going to break down the poem.

The Razors Jaw

I’m falling and falling… I hit the ground
I can’t get up and look around
I’m stuck in a deep dark hole
And it’s eating my soul.
I can feel it’s fangs ripping into me
Tearing so violently
There’s no point in fighting
I can’t stop his vicious biting
He soon swallows me whole
Succeeding in his goal.

I felt so alone during the time when I wrote a lot of these poems. It just burned inside. Nothing is perfect, but I put myself out so much, that’s just the way I am. Of course that means you will be hurt a lot. The Razors Jaw is just what it sounds like. The reference is to cutting myself. I used to get very upset and it would calm me down.

I can feel it all
Still suffering from my fall
My arms bleeding… soon to scar
My deepest cuts by far
The Razors teeth sink into my skin
It smiles with a grin
He knows he’s won
He knows I’m done.

Falling would just be the feeling I felt. Never can get my feet down. I cut sometimes, never too deep, just more scratches than anything. They are gone now…

The dark place… the black hole… it’s what I feel
Yet the hole I try to conceal
But I always fall in
Falling and Falling until I’m sucked in
I try to let the light show through
Yet it soon turns to blue
And finally… goes out
It’s dark again.

Darkness was how I felt with everything. I was needy in a sense I wanted someone always there with me. Even then the ‘lights’ never turned back on. Even though I had people surrounding me and helping so much, they always found a way to let me down in the end.

It’s tough to read poems like that and kind of feel what I felt again. I am thankful I had poetry among other things to express myself. If I didn’t have a paper and a pen with me at all times I don’t know what I would of done.

I still turn to that now, as you can see about the poem I just wrote last night.

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