April 28, 2010
I’m Angry…
I’m angry at the outcome
We always knew that it would be tough
But I always thought we could make it through
I’m angry that you took me for granted
And I didn’t know what to do
And when I told you… it was too late
I’m angry that I lost you to no one but myself
I wished for other things since I had you
But while I was wishing, you walked away
I’m angry that I thought I needed more
While all along I had you
I thought I’d never lose you, until you were gone.
I’m angry that my heart breaks everyday
Since we just aren’t ‘right’
I’ve never been so lost and alone all night
I’m angry that we let it get this far
And ruin something that was special
I’m angry that I’ve lost it all
Just when I thought I was on top
I’m angry that you became my world
And just like that, my world is empty.
March 28, 2010
“I think I’ve been spoiled by the past, because the present isn’t enough.” – Matthew Henrickson
After I put this quote on my Facebook I got asked what brought it on. My response:
Just thinking about the past. What really brought it on was I went out for a few hours. I had texted a few people while i was out and all that. When i got home no one had texted me back… no one had missed me.
I just feel alone sometimes. No one needs me anymore, no one seems to want me. I’m not desired, called upon, checked on. I’m just me. And being me is lonely.
March 20, 2010
Fighting the Night
3/19/2010
Not drinking the bottle, has made my mind clear
Every night facing my biggest fear
Reliving pain, hurt, and deep sorrow
Never forgetting the images when I wake up tomorrow
Seeing myself cry in pain
Hurts more than living through it.
Since I’m not numb my mind races
It’s not easy keeping those bad thoughts out
Fighting that addiction
That has been killing me slowly
Long enough to keep me alive
To feel pain again.
February 3, 2010
Innocent Love
by Matthew Henrickson
It started so fast
And it has lasted so long
An innocent love
Young and immature
But thrown into adulthood so soon.
Our love has always survived
As if it was meant to be
Creating not only love
But another beautiful life.
Through truth and lies
Laughs and cries
Your smile has always shown through
But what happens when
That big grin
Dies and becomes something blue.
Will our love always be true?
I haven’t written in forever, but I have a feeling that is just the first to come. I feel like I am at a place that I hate being in. My life just feels like a fight.
January 10, 2010
I haven’t updated in forever. I haven’t forgot about you all with the submitted poetry. I’ve never really been as successful as I have been now. My site, Its All Free Online, has really taken off and I put in tons of time there.
Today my new friend John shared a tragic story on his blog. For some reason I felt compelled to share how I felt about my dad and how death has affected me. Sometimes I just think how it would be different had he not died. The two most important people in my life, will never get to know the man that I loved and loved me. I can’t imagine someone NOT liking him, he was that guy. I only hope he is proud of me.
The point of this post is to share the comment I left on John’s blog.
My dad died 1 month before my girlfriend got pregnant (I was 18). It was at the end of my first college semester. I took time off school, completed the classes, but never went back.
I tear up as I write about stuff like that. It’s something that I took really hard for a while and just kind of put away. Now when I talk or write about it, it’s really hard for me.
I was always pretty close with my dad and the months before he died we had grown farther apart. I always tried to make it better, then he would call me drunk and say mean things. He never did that to me ever… I didn’t know how to handle it. I was always his boy, and for him to treat me that way I was heartbroken. Through that hurt I wanted to hate him.
I watch these dumb shows and these kids get to make up with their father etc (that dumbass teen mom show!) I’ll never get to do that :-/
Thanks for the vent man, your not alone
October 19, 2009
I’ve never really edited other peoples poetry before my own. I did help Lamia with her poem This Is For You, but other than that nothing.
Lately I have gotten some submissions that were very “raw” poetry. More of a muddled lump of feelings with no structure. Sabraya sent me this poem, filled with such emotion I had to structure it for her and this is what I got.
You Are The One
You are . .
The one who has a hold on my dreams
The one who I never want to leave
The one who I remembers the past is the past cause we are the future
You are…
The one don’t want to be without
The one who suppresses the pain
The one who is my guiding light
The one who brings me up when I am down
The one who makes me smile while being the only one to give me butterflies
The one who has given me hope, to love, to be special
The one who makes it easier to live day by day without shedding tears
You are my first love and God willing the only
You are my heart, my soul and everything in between
You are it…
You are my trouble and my annoyance, but we make it through
You are him.
You are…
The one my heart belongs to forever
The one that’s always on my mind
The words on the tip of my tongue…
I . . love you, yet i can not say them enough
Enough to express my hearts joy to have found someone..
To my heart with yours.
You are my love, my hope and my strength.
You are truly, My one and only
by Sabraya Ibrahim
edited by Matthew Henrickson
September 28, 2009
This is one of my favorite poems and I can’t believe I didn’t have this one published on here. This poem was actually inspired by a book as well as how I felt at the time. High school can be brutal.
The book was The Afterlife by Gary Soto.
Ghost Afterlife
3/25/04
Like a ghost
You see right through me
Invisible to your sight,
but I’m here
Like a ghost
You walk right through me
I’m undetectable from your touch,
but I’m here
Like a ghost
You can’t hear me
My words have fallen deaf to your ears,
but I’m here
Like a ghost
You can feel my presence
but your not sure if I’m real
I’ve been overlooked, but I’m here
Like a ghost, you can reach through my body
Which you’ve already done
And pull out my non-existent heart
Which you’ve already broken
All I am now is a ghost
Trying not to disappear
Piece by piece I start to vanish
Trying to hold on, to my afterlife
By Matthew Henrickson
September 21, 2009
This is an interesting poem, not my style at all, however I did want to add it on here. What do you think?
The Bog Road
The road wound down past Mureen Hill
Still, dull, glaucous
The place where my Mother was born
Towards the strange silent bog
Its forbidden charms and sweet earthy scents
Compelled me there every day
I drank in the heady air
Thick with the drone of bees
Hollow drips of water
Seeping into deep pools
Lazy currents of wind
Playing at the top of the whins
A peacock butterfly
Still against the warmth of the road
Little yellow flowers
Poking through the tar
Malin Head shimmering in the distance
My steps drummed up
Rich memories
Caught like beads of dew in soft webby cushions
Lying on my back in the heather
The sun on my face
Looking up at the sky
The sharp sweet taste of sorrel on my tongue
Combing Granny’s silky white hair
Her warm sweet baby smell
Wardrobes stuffed full of old clothes
Mothballs, lace mats, death sets
Granddaddy on the doorstep
Hands clasped behind his back
Watching the weather
On the Inishowen Hills
Carmel Gibbons
September 18, 2009
No Longer
It’s always a new excuse
Always a new reason
Another retreat from a fight
Making it my fault.
It shows you don’t care
Your fights are one-sided
Never mature enough
To understand both sides.
I’m tired of begging
I’m tired of pleading
Your attention isn’t worth it
It shouldn’t be a fight
It should be a given.
Going back to never enough
I’m sorry I don’t have anymore to give
My body, soul, and mind are so exhausted
From your constant ‘taking’.
I no longer have the strength
I no longer have the endurance
I no longer have the patience
I no longer have the will to make my heart hurt.
by Matthew Henrickson
September 10, 2009
I’m not sure if I like this one, and it feels more like a song. Anyhow it’s new.
What Does It Mean?
What does it mean
When eye contact goes out the window
And avoidance becomes the regular
You seem to always avoid me,
And I hide way too much
No more quick hugs in the hallway
No more sweet kisses in the kitchen
No more love on the highway
No more subtle touches throughout the day
I grab your hand
I try to hold it
Like quicksand I fall right through
You brush me off every chance you get
As I reach to hug you
I hug myself…
Each time I fail my heart beats faster
Now all alone seems to be where I fit.
by Matthew Henrickson
