Words of a Poet

Sunrise Sunset

Another sunrise another sunset
Waking up on the street
Always back on my feet
Carrying everything I own on my back
Looking for the next person to attack
Staring at the sky
Constantly asking why
What did I do to deserve this life?
Why am I being punished?
Or am I just being tested?
Knocked down
Knocked out
Over again
And from the ashes this Phoenix continues to rise
Yet I look in the mirror with these blue eyes
And see someone I don’t recognize
I see someone I despise

by Matthew Henrickson

The street lamps have become my night light
My backpack has become my pillow
My jacket has become my blanket
The hard cement has become my bed
The distant sounds of cars, sing me to sleep
The people walking by look at me with pity
Just another homeless man is how they view me

I’ve had a lot of bad things happen to me being homeless. Robbed, beaten up, had a gun to my head. One thing I will never forget, is this kid. I cried… so I am going to tell you a story.

I was outside a laundry mat with my backpack and duffle bag. Obviously he was bored and kept spying on me. For some reason he kept poking his head out. I was carrying my old hot wheels for some reason on me so I gave him one. He played with it and then came back out to watch me. They had those little machines for quarters so you could get a toy.

I had a few quarters on me so I said ok pick one! Which do you want? He chose one played with it for a bit and then came out again. Ok which one do you want now? This one. Ok… turn the lever I’ll put the quarters in. This happened until I was out of quarters.

The mom whispered thank you, no 5ish year old wants to be at a boring laundry mat. He was bored.

The following things got very real for me. The boy not knowing, asked me where I lived or why I don’t go home. The mom not wanting to say hes homeless, said oh he’s moving. He said well we are going to the beach today can you come?!?

Obviously not knowing these people, I said maybe next time buddy. Just promise you will be good for your mom and sister ok?

As they were leaving they handed me the $3 I spent on him through the machines. I said no no no. They said no we appreciate you just keeping him busy.
I felt happy I did that for the kid, and terrible they made me take that $3.

At night I try to sleep at homeless and hurt people know where I sleep so they come and check on me. Visit. So we aren’t alone.

Loneliness is one of the hardest thing I deal with. Being hungry sucks but knowing you are alone is hard. Try to sleep and you hear footsteps walking by so you open your eyes. You cling your stuff not knowing who it is. I sleep on my duffle bag and clutch my backpack at night just hoping I get some sleep.

But I consider all these new people I’ve met friends. We share what we have if its anything. It’s special in my opinion. “Will you watch my stuff” and you just hope you can trust that. You don’t really know. Then a snake in the grass comes steal your stuff.

At the end of the day though the connections I’ve made with these people is special. No one else is looking out for us. We have to look out for eachother. So that’s what we do.

Ever since I became homeless a few weeks ago my life has completely changed. I lost a lot of possessions. Truth is I didn’t even know I had many of them. They were locked away in a closet for 12 years. Many things I wasn’t attached to. All that matters now is to have food, water, somewhere to sleep, and somewhere to use the bathroom, These things are vital now when before it was just a common thing. My world has completely flipped upside down.

As I said I lost a lot of things. I don’t need my trophies to remind me how great of a player I was. I don’t need a poster I had since I was 16 to remind me. I don’t need that PS2 I haven’t touched in years. I don’t need that kitchen table I neve3r used. I don’t need that half bottle of shampoo. Those clothes I never wore I won’t miss them. The trinkets I collected can just be a memory. The random things in my “junk drawer” are gone I just never threw them away.

I’ve already learned a lot and its weird the things you would think I would say first. The first thing is the people. My perspective has completely changed. I used to think if you were homeless you were just a bums that wouldn’t get a job. Try coming to church or a shelter with me and I will prove you otherwise. Hearing some of their stories they are lucky just to be alive. I haven’t had a hard life compared to them. Sometimes asking for money is all you can do. Yes when I had a job I would look out for them, food and water. I did my best and felt blessed. I could share what I had with those forgotten.

Funny thing is the same homeless people I would help are helping me now. Whether with knowledge, love, prayer, faith, friendship, a beer, a cigarette, whatever it may be. I’ve been told so many times “Matthew do you remember when you did this for me? I don’t have a lot but let me help you too” I think they call that Karma.

There is such a stigma on giving money to homeless. They are just gonna buy cigarettes, beer, or drugs. Sometimes yeah that’s true. You know when you “need” a coffee? Sometimes I “need” a cigarette. Yet in any case a few dollars can change someone’s life.

This morning I was asleep in front of a restaurant on the sidewalk. Throughout the night I hear sounds that wake me up. The car lights wake me up, shining in my face. This morning I hear “excuse me” He says it twice. Instantly I thought it was time to wake up and move so they could get into the restaurant. I pull the hoodie from my eyes and see a nice gentlemen. I had heard his car earlier “BEEP BEEP BEEP”. He was unloading for the store next door. So I said “Yes?” He handed me $2 dollars and said I hope you are okay and bless you.

You may think $2 is nothing. You are homeless $2 is a lot for you but not me. Sure I could of just went to get a beer or wasted it on something.

Do you know what I did with that money? I used it to ride the bus to a job interview. That $2 gesture might change my life and that man might never know what he did.

Mom are you listening?
I need you my guardian angel
Pick up Heaven’s phone
I’ve been call you
I want to make you proud
I just don’t know how
Please just grant me my wings
So I can be an Angel just like you
I could fly and come see you
Through the clouds
And you could sing to me again
Like nothing is wrong
You are my sunshine… my only sunshine

Mom I’m so lost
I’m bleeding inside and out
Cuts, bruises, scars, and pain
And it all feels the same
As I yell out “I’m not okay!”
It kills me a little each day
Without you

By Matthew Henrickson

I feel like a fool
Thinking this time will be different
If this is love I don’t want any
All I want to do
Is make you happy

When I see you
Do I not always have a present
Just to see you smile
When I kiss you
Do you not always kiss me back?
With that passion
When I tell you I love you
Don’t you always tell me I love you too
And I know you do
So I give you all of my heart
At the sametime

When you hit me
Do I not bleed?
The floor a sea of red
When you knock me down
Do I not bruise?
My body full of pain too sore to move
Do I not cry?
Its been hard to keep a dry eye.

When you break promises
We both made
Does my heart not break
I’ve given you my promise
And it’s never been broken

Your guard is still up
I’ve tried to break down your walls
Everytime I try
I fail and I fall
My heart is under attack
And as I turn around
I pull the knife out of my back

I’ve never felt like…
Such a failure
Repeating the same patterns
Pain is all that occurs
Disappointment and shame
Wrong decisions and blame
Addictions on the outside
Demons within
I close my eyes
and the nightmares begin

It’s fault like always
Never right at the start
The only expectation I live up to
Is breaking your heart

by Matthew Henrickson

I haven’t updated in a while and I was watching re-runs of Roseanne. I must of never seen this episode because I don’t recall ever hearing this poem.

I love songs and poetry where it is addressed to no one in particular… “to whom it may concern” etc. It’s also kind of funny, but really sad at the same time.

To Whom it Concerns

To whom it concerns, Darlene’s work will be late,
It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate.
To whom it concerns, my ma made me write this,
And I’m just her kid, so how could I fight this.
To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment,
Maybe I’ll get lucky… solitary confinement.
To whom it concerns, Darlene’s great with the ball,
But guys don’t watch tomboys when they’re cruising the hall.
To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen,
Too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen.
To whom it concerns, I’m not made of steel,
When I get blindsided my pain is quite real.
I don’t mean to squawk, but it really burns.
I just thought I’d mention it, to whom it concerns.

Read by Darlene from the show Roseanne.

I had to share this one, I love it!

“I have had dreams, and I’ve had nightmares.
I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.” ~Jonas Salk